tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8798392953280869293.post5653721257434007461..comments2023-08-04T07:42:47.114-07:00Comments on Bette's Jesus Journey: Utterly HelplessBette Nordberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06811677341441217291noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8798392953280869293.post-69114149875427573362007-11-27T10:13:00.000-08:002007-11-27T10:13:00.000-08:00Utter helplessness is taking on a new meaning to m...Utter helplessness is taking on a new meaning to me as I battle cancer...<BR/><BR/>Where once I was filled with pride because I could "do it myself", now I'm forced to rely on others much more than I'm comfortable with.<BR/><BR/>I also prided myself in being the helper, the giver. Now the tables have turned on me. Sometimes a simple outing to the post office requires outside players to help me get it done.<BR/><BR/>On the days following the last chemo treatment, I was so utterly helpless that my brain was a void space. I've never realized how much I even rely on my ability to THINK, plan, organize, etc. How distressful that I couldn't even string two words together, let alone a whole thought. My reasoning, decision making ability, short term memory--all of it taken away instantly!<BR/><BR/>My days are unpredictable. I can't plan life very well as I don't know what's coming. I don't have insurance and the cost of having cancer is astronomical. I don't know if today will be a good day or a bad day--if I'll have energy to do some small thing, or sleep the entire day away...I don't know much of anything at all. But I do recognize my utter helplessness.<BR/><BR/>I don't like coming to grips with the fact that I am so helpless, that I can't do it myself, that I'm completely dependant on God for each new day, each breath, each memory, each moment when I can get up and do something...<BR/><BR/>Utterly helpless--we all are. It might take cancer to have me SEE how helpless I am, how uncertain life is, but it's always been there. I think we humans love to live in a protected shell of ILLUSION--if I have health insurance, I'll be fine. If I save up for disaster, I'll be fine. If I eat right and exercise, I'll stay healthy. I will live a long and prosperous life...and yet, we really AREN'T in control, are we? It's hard to admit, but true.<BR/><BR/>How wonderful, then, that "When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time." <BR/><BR/>We don't even <B>KNOW</B> how helpless we are, yet Christ has already made the provision. We don't even know how much we depend on him, yet he shows up at just the right time.<BR/><BR/>One thing cancer is helping me to do is change my perspective about life. I've been looking at most things all wrong...hopefully for you, it won't take something so dramatic to give you a new view of the world around you.<BR/><BR/>KerrieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com